Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize