I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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