i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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