i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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