He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
