she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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