Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
