I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
