Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my liver is dry heaving
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
