when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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