he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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