I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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