So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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