Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
