Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
