Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
