the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
