ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
