She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
