at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
