She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
