you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
