I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
