Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
