he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
