just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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