I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
