i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
