He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
