He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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