My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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