So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
