I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
