There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
