Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
