Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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