Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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