I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
