I wish you could order shots online.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
