they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
