I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she looked like the before picture.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
