3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
