Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
