New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
