Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
