is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
