This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
