i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
