He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
