Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
