idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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