I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
