i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
