Is it normal to miss your booty call?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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