Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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