I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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