note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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