as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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