my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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