we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
