I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
