There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
